Destiny

Some days I feel as though I have alternate personalities...warring selves constantly struggling against each other...seeking balance or discernment and never quite locating it.

I have voices from within and voices abounding from multiple angles surrounding me....chanting in unison.

I seek to isolate the screaming...channel it into a single whisper of truth, purpose, and hope.

People seem to think they know what it is I should be pursuing with my list of respective talents and experience. Be an artist, be a teacher, be a missionary, be..be...be...something. Move to Boston, move to California, move to England, move to Africa, move to Corpus Christi... Talk. Talk. Talk.

Their words are full of love and belief that I have a beautiful destiny.   It's flattering...and simultaneously overwhelming...because I can't please everyone's assumptions about my future.  There are too many external factors...emotional, physical, spiritual. I must contemplate my options...lest I be too hasty yet again and destroy the fragile sandcastle I constructed to contain my safety and sanity.

I am an emotionally driven being with a substantial history of choosing incorrectly.  And I have a growing array of interests I care to investigate.  

It would be much easier if people didn't give a damn about me...though, today I'm thankful such is not the case.  As much as their voices create a claustrophobic environment in my head, I know the absence of them would leave me empty and alone.  Their input makes me feel desired, encouraged and motivated to make the necessary changes in my life.  

Without them my destiny would certainly be lacking...