The Punitive Diaries

I've had a rather warped or dare I say...fucked up perception of God for the majority of the last 20 years.  I suppose it embarked with my debut into Christianity.  My parents were members of the "age of accountability" congregation.  Translation:  When everyone's children hit the age of 7 or 8, it was time to get dunked or risk burning in an ocean of fire if you happened to die before dinner.  I was coerced to sit awkwardly on my pastor's knee (who later turned out to be an adulterous bastard--high five authenticity) and recite a prayer I didn't know, stand in front of people I didn't know, and commit to something I choked down out of fear.

Sound familiar?

Such a punitive gospel yields a perception that not even infants are safe from this ravenous, rejecting God.  It doesn't exactly scream "trust me" or "believe in me" or "love me."  It doesn't really even say "I love you."  It says "I'll accept you...if..."

And people buy into this theological bull shit.  They worship it, far more than they worship the Jesus who claimed to love ALL and supposedly died for ALL, therefore saving ALL.  They sacrifice the innocent to legalistic mantras and hang crosses of redemption around their necks.  Charming.

I grew up thinking if you had sex before marriage, were gay, enjoyed the sweet nectar of an ice cold beer, and loved the exquisite bass overtures of Motley Crue, you were destined to roast in an inferno...until time itself stopped.  The Bible was truth and its pages held my destiny...so it was either turn from my wicked, wild, ACDC ways....or....perish.

Typical upbringing for televangelists.

I was practically OCD in my efforts to do the right thing, say the right thing, always avoiding the main culprit plaguing my spirit...guilt-lined grace.  If I so much as shrieked a 4-letter word when I smashed my finger, I felt like I had to confess my tainted sin...  For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction and most of mine were harnessed on the promise that I would never be good enough and hell would always be one fuck up away.

And now?

I've come to the understanding that God has always and will always love us as a mother loves her new baby and will protect us as a father shields his family.  God has no restrictions on sharing love.  If you are gay, you were born that way and there is no mistake in your identity.  If you have sex before marriage or even live with your significant other prior to matrimony, it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed to fail.  Plenty of people follow all the rules and still carry a signed divorce decree out of the courtroom.  If you listen to rock and roll, there's a high probability that God will high-five you.  Authentic conversations are better without K-LOVE.  I'm pretty sure if given the option, Jesus would have picked Shiner over wine.  And hell is a figment of your imagination, much like Puff the Magic Dragon...or...the rapture.

Believing in God and pursuing relationships with people should be more than guilt, more than rules, more than fear.  It should be love with abandon, relentless joy, and endless acceptance.   Punitive gospel be damned.