Whole Again

It's been 314 days....

There are moments when the memories of last September collide and it feels like yesterday.  I can still hear his voice.  It's like a wrecking ball in my intestines.

September 18th...I ceased being a wife and my life fell into a million pieces...and in a way, it sort of became my "New Year" and everything started over.  Starting over is a bitch.  No one WANTS to start over like this...otherwise masochism would be more popular.

I must admit that not every memory of the last 314 days has served my heart a plate of daggers.

Somewhere in October...I discovered Twitter and Shiner Boch, learned how to cuss, and drink 12 year-old Bushmills.  I also transformed my fundie Baptist ass into a progressive evangelical Lutheran.

I was drunk or hungover most of January.  Survival instinct.  I pierced my nose...which had nothing to do with survival.

In February, I met Brandon...in the oddest of encounters.

In March, I went on vacation, got a tattoo, and tried everything to make Brandon realize I was a waste of his time.  He didn't listen.  In April, I decided to test the romantic waters again...and some time near May...I fell in love.  That sudden, ridiculous, bashful, sappy...make-your-friends-want-to-vomit kind of love...and the adoration grows daily.  He can't erase the horrible September memories, but he's damn wonderful at creating new, healthy, beautiful experiences.  He lets me be everything I need to be.

In May, I became an Outlaw Preacher...and in doing so, have been befriended by people scattered high and low across the country.  They are the most uniquely exquisite collection of personalities I've come to know and I love all of them.  They challenge me, encourage me, and edify me.  They have become a second family. Apart from my friends in Corpus Christi, I never thought community would feel so good.

And now I'm embracing a sweltering Texas summer.  I've rather enjoyed the reprieve from the rush of the school year.  I've traveled, painted, spent time with Brandon and my family, written countless letters to my best friend, and loved on my youth kids before they go off to college.

I recall where I was a year ago...and it was hell.  As much as starting over kicked my ass, it saved me. I am unrelentingly blessed to finally feel whole again.